How to Overcome Your Fear of Conflict

The benefits are that you and the other party value your relationship and make sacrifices to reach a mutually beneficial resolution. This strategy works well when your care for your goal and the relationship are both moderate. You value the relationship, but not so much that you abandon your goal, like in accommodation.

Remembering all the good times you had with this person helps to defuse the ticking bomb inside you as you saturate your language with reassurance and comfort. Let the other person know how much you appreciate and value their relationship. If they know how much they mean to you, they will be more receptive to what you have to say, if you say it in a gentle and calm way.

A Friendship Bargain You Couldn’t Refuse—But Should Have

Then communicate them clearly, directly, and respectfully to others. Be consistent and firm, but also flexible and open to feedback. If someone crosses or https://ecosoberhouse.com/ violates your boundaries, let them know how you feel and what you expect. Take action to protect yourself if they persist or disrespect your boundaries.

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How to Deal With Conflict

To identify the source of the conflict, you have to pay attention and listen carefully. To listen actively, make sure you understand your partner and paraphrase the other party’s points. When we don’t fight fair issues don’t get resolved, and resentment often builds. Resolving conflict is impossible if you’re unwilling or unable to forgive others. Resolution lies in releasing the urge to punish, which can serve only to deplete and drain your life.

Each person has a unique point of view and rarely agrees on every detail. When managing conflict, seeking the “truth” can trap you rather than set you free. For example, consider the differing testimony of witnesses that all see the same car accident. When people are in conflict they use inflammatory language such as profanity, name calling, and exaggerations that escalate the conflict. Restate inflammatory language in a more objective way to help make the information less emotionally laden and more useful for future discussions. Realize you will never be able to reason with the unreasonable.

Conflict Avoidance Doesn’t Do You Any Favors

As you probably know, saying the wrong thing can be like throwing fuel on a fire, and make a conflict worse. The important thing to remember is to say what’s on your mind in a way that is clear and assertive, without being aggressive or putting the other person on the https://ecosoberhouse.com/article/how-to-approach-a-person-who-prefers-avoiding-conflicts/ defensive. When it comes to effective conflict resolution, how effectively we listen is at least as important as how effectively we express ourselves. It’s vital to understand the other person’s perspective, rather than just our own, if we are to come to a resolution.

• The biggest hack for preventing tantrums is simply holding a boundary over and over and over again.
• Fortunately, what’s good for flighters turns out to be good for everyone.
• At its core, conflict avoidance is really people-pleasing, so it’s a form of codependency.
• These values can be religious, cultural, or lifestyle-related.
• Owning up to a mistake can prevent a conflict from occurring in the first place.
• But you have the power and moral authority to declare that it is you, not the offender, who’s in charge of your life.
• This deficit often leads those that interact with them over time to struggle with a wide range of negative emotions such as anger and confusion.

You can also prevent conflict by becoming more aware of your emotions and the emotions of other people. However, some people avoid conflict at all costs — even when the conflict is necessary. To avoid rocking the boat, conflict-avoidant people might bottle up their feelings and sidestep discussing important issues with others. When you’re avoiding conflict, you’re essentially lying about your thoughts and feelings about something. Consciously or unconsciously, your partner picks up on this lie and knows something is off so don’t trust when you say everything is fine or refuse to discuss an issue. They learn that they can’t trust what you say and this leaks into other areas of the relationship.

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It can also be a significant source of stress in your relationships or stress at work. Therefore, it’s important to learn conflict resolution skills. While many people keep quiet when they are upset, unfortunately, this isn’t a healthy long-term strategy. “Avoiding conflict can compromise our resilience, mental health, and productivity in the long term,” writes Andrew Reiner for NBC News. By contrast, one study of over 2,000 people aged 33 to 84 found that those who intentionally resolved daily conflicts reported that their stress diminished.